Clara, we may not have had the chance to teach you much about this world but you have taught us so much.
It’s been a difficult year for us, the most challenging yet. We have a piece of our family missing, a piece of our hearts. We will always miss Clara and will always wonder what she could have become.
It has undoubtedly been a difficult year for us, yet somehow, despite her short time in the world, Clara has taught us a lot. The scales will never be balanced, we have lost far more than we have gained. But today on her birthday, we want to share some of the things Clara has taught us, rather than focus on everything we have lost…
- It is possible to feel sadness and happiness at the same time. We knew early on that we didn’t want Harrison to grow up in a house full of sadness and loss. We made the decision to be happy and to not feel guilty about it. We carried such sadness, especially in those first few months that this was difficult but as time has gone on we realise that both emotions are possible alongside each other. We will always miss Clara, but we also have a lot of other things to be happy about and that is okay.
- It’s true, life is better if you live in the moment. We’ve always been a bit like this anyway, but Clara has taught us the importance of this even more. It would be all too easy to get stuck in the fog of grief and not move forward, but this isn’t what we want. We will always remember every detail of Clara’s birth, how it felt to hold her, how warm she was, how hard it was to say goodbye. Clara will never be forgotten. We choose not to live in the past though, we focus on the present. The little moments that make each day a joy. We also don’t think too far ahead, we have learnt the hard way that there are no certainties in life. Too many thoughts of the future bring anxiety, so we’re quite happy living here in the moment.
- Exercise feels really good. Definitely not at the time, we’re not insane. But afterwards it feels good, when your head is clearer, and when your body aches from actual tiredness. We’ve both embraced exercise this year, as a way to raise money for charity, but also as a way to keep our heads straight. We’re never going to be professional athletes (despite what Dave thinks) and exercise will always be hard work, but we both think it’s been good for us, and we will keep working at it, even when it is hard to drag ourselves off the couch.
- We are stronger than we ever thought possible. If you asked us before Clara’s death we would never have imagined we would have survived this, let alone found a way to be happy again. But here we are, standing strong.
- All that really matters is love. We’ve all heard the advice ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, but Clara has taught us that pretty much everything is small stuff. All that matters is the people you love. As long as they are okay, nothing else matters. Not the really urgent deadline at work, not the cobwebs that have been on the ceiling for far too long, and not the giant scratch Harrison’s toy has just made in the floor. None of it matters, so relax, and enjoy spending time with your favourite people.
For us, today will be difficult, but we know tomorrow will be brighter.
Much love,
Caren & Dave xxx
